The very theme of her life. She sets the scene for her dangerous journey.
Translation:
As a misfortune which has just been avoided, adds more enjoyment to life! How beautiful it is with all the goodness of heaven! I can say that at that moment I sensed vividly the happiness which remained to me. All other misfortunes had disappeared. I was afraid of losing my brother, my friend, my support, and I saved him! He was returned to me! . . . Filled with security, I left for Italy, and it was there that I received the frightful news that he had fallen ill, and that he was being treated in the same way (by bloodletting, which in the first place had been so contrary to him). He seemed to go to sleep slowly . . . Then he no longer existed! . . .
After this misfortune, one of the greatest of my life, I spent the winter at my place in Switzerland. I almost died there. I was annihilated. I no longer had the strength to fight against so much pain. Maternal love saved me. I had to live, I still had children! My courage returned.
Madame Campan who had brought me up, Madame de Caulaincourt, who was maid of honor, both of them loved me as tenderly as if I had been their daughter. Again, I had to mourn them.
The good king of Bavaria also died. I lost the last protector I had left, and Bavaria had no interest in me. I experienced difficulties in going to Italy. I finally succeeded in overcoming them, and every year I went to winter in Rome, and I returned to live in the summer at Arenenberg in Switzerland. The sweet consolation given me by my children, the devotion of a few friends, the constant affection of the Grand Duchess of Baden, who alone amongst my family has given me sympathy about my misfortunes; the travels, the beautiful sky of Italy, the love of the arts, and finally all that distracts me, nothing that moved me deeply, had restored sweetness to my life.
My health had been strengthened. The pains of my soul had calmed down, when the revolution of July suddenly brought me out of this state of tranquility, to throw me again into all the agitations of life. My eldest son had married his cousin, the second daughter of King Joseph. He lived in Florence near his father. He was remarkably handsome and good,
To be continued.
The memoirs so far are available here.
Hortense’s explanation why she broke the law is here.