Let’s have another look at Hortense’s Memoirs. If you want to read the book it is available for free at the side bar in English and French. Use the widget on the sidebar to translate the text below into pretty much any language.
In this excerpt, Hortense describes her sometimes inappropriate sense of humor.
Hortense’s memoirs continues:
She [Stephanie Tascher] gave up all ideas of this marriage, returned to Madame Campan's school, and a year later became the wife of the Duc d'Arenberg. The marriage of Stephanie de Beauharnais took place with truly royal splendor. Cardinal Caprara, Papal Nuncio, pronounced the nuptial benediction and magnificent ceremonies took place.
At one of the court balls Caroline and I danced a quadrille. My partner was the Crown Prince of Bavaria, who was spending some time in Paris. He was not attractive in appearance, was almost deaf and stuttered. Besides he was deeply marked with smallpox, yet he was clever. The fact that he was Eugene's brother-in-law was more than sufficient recommendation for me.
Consequently, I took the best possible care of the Prince. I loaned him my diamonds. I arranged them myself on his hat. I did my best to make him appear to advantage. My quadrille was more admired than that of Caroline, who was again rather jealous over this trifling success. The Princess Pauline, another sister of the Emperor, had accompanied her husband to Santo Domingo, where he had died.
She married again, her second husband being Prince Borghese, who was not particularly clever but good-looking and who possessed a great fortune in Rome. Pauline's poor health obliged her to take constant care of herself. She had the reputation, which she well deserved and of which she was very proud, of being the handsomest woman in France, perhaps even in Europe. Her elder sister the Princess Elisa had been made Princess of Lucca.
She was intelligent and had good judgment. Later, when she had become Grand Duchess of Tuscany, she governed her realm as ably as a clever man would have done, and this in spite of the fact that she was not particularly well educated, although she had been brought up at the school at Saint Cyr. Her strength of will replaced book-learning.
All the members of the Bonaparte family were much attached to one another as long as there was no question of mutual ambition involved. In that case there would be an alliance formed against the one who happened to be favored. Soon, however, the union would be re-organized. The day the news of Elisa's appointment as Princess of Lucca became known my husband and I called on all his sisters. We began with Caroline. The latter with a forced laugh remarked: "Well, well, Elisa has become a ruling Prince now. To be sure her army is only a corporal's guard. What an honor that is to be sure!"
It was easy to note the vexation concealed beneath this flippancy. As for Princess Borghese she made no effort to hide her feelings. "My brother," she said, "only cares for Elisa and forgets all the rest of us. Caroline, who has children and a distinguished husband, deserves better treatment and more independence. So far as I am concerned, I don't ask for anything. I am an invalid, but it is not fair toward Caroline."
I saw that she was excited and to calm her I said "My sister, the Emperor loves you all equally. Elisa is the eldest. He begins with her. Later he will doubtless provide for you and for Caroline. He cannot do everything at once."
I thought this remark might soothe her and my husband confirmed my views, but she exclaimed warmly, "You are in no position to criticize, madame, you who obtain anything you ask for!" I remained silent with surprise. She had no idea of how mistaken she was.
To be sure, what I wanted had nothing to do with royal honors. I turned away and left her without saying another word. My husband kissed her, sayingas he did so, "Pauline, you are not well." And we left the house. Of all the Emperor's sisters, Caroline, who had been for some time at school with me at Saint-Germain, was the only one I became ever at all intimate with.
Nor did I count very much on even her friendship. The petty vexations I had to suffer from this family proved that they did not like me. Nor were my mother and brother more popular with them. I had consolation in the thought that I had nothing with which to reproach myself. The Emperor went to spend a few days at Grignon, the handsome estate which Marshal Bessieres had bought from Monsieur Auguié.
I was glad of this opportunity to revisit the spots where some of the happiest hours of my youth had been spent. Here, close to the large pond, was a path that had been named after me; there, beside a little stream, was the place where I had run a fish-hook into my finger and in the midst of my weeping comrades displayed my courage by tearing it out without waiting for the arrival of a physician.
All these memories made me feel more light-hearted. My husband had not dared to refuse the Emperor's invitation for both of us. I had gone to Grignon without Louis, accompanied by the Princess of Baden, her husband, and the Prince of Bavaria. The Emperor spent his days hunting and retired early. We took tea in the evening with the Princess of Baden.
One day the idea of playing a trick on the Prince of Bavaria occurred to us. We put a wig on a doll, dressed it in a pretty nightcap and short nightgown and put it on his bed. We then composed a letter supposed to be from a lady who did not sign her name but who was most anxious to see him and who was awaiting him in his apartment.
A servant delivered him the note while we were all together. The Prince read it with an interest he was unable to conceal, took another letter from his pocket and compared the two. He stepped over to me and inquired anxiously, "Do you think the handwriting is the same?"
I assured him that it was evident the two letters had been written by the same person, the only difference being that one had been composed carefully, whereas the other had been dashed off hurriedly.
He was convinced that a lady was waiting for him and became greatly upset trying to find a way of getting rid of her for fear of what the Emperor might think. He took my arm, begged me to save him and to give orders that a woman who dared to be so forward in her advances be dismissed at once.
He gave me her name, and we thereby discovered that it was the famous Mademoiselle Georges whose letter he had and about whom he was so embarrassed. In spite of our laughter at seeing him so confused and at his disclosures, he refused to believe that it could be a joke.
He insisted we should all go to his apartment with him. He could not bear to go there alone, and his fear was intense for what the Emperor with his well-known severity in such matters might say. Finally, we all took lights and led him back through the long corridors. Our escort looked like a procession. The Prince of Bavaria was in front. Behind us came our ladies in waiting. Everyone else in the house had gone to bed. When we entered his room the Prince's fright and our mirth increased at the sight of a figure sleeping peacefully in his bed.
There the joke had to end. We were obliged to show him the wig on the doll. He seemed very much chagrined. The next morning the Emperor and Empress laughed heartily on hearing of our prank. I do not know whether the Prince, who laughed a great deal about it at the time, ever really forgave us.
The original French is available below:
